Get off

Another week of keeping busy doing nothing. It's very absorbing, since the time is slipping by alarmingly fast, and even though I'm enjoying myself for the most part, I'm not really accomplishing anything .. work is getting more involving, and that old "I wonder if I can actually keep up" feeling is finally kicking in. Take someone who does less work than pretty much anyone, and give him an engineering position in one of the biggest corporations of a country where the people are famed and stereotyped for their diligence in the workplace. Fucking brilliant. How'd I get here again??


I'm starting to appreciate the fact that when people work hard all day, they come home and don't have the energy to do anything, so they eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep. Not to say that I'm working hard all day, but I spend considerably less time reading news sites and writing e-mails than I'm used to, so I'm working relatively hard. Replace dinner and TV with reading and running or going to the gym, and I'm turning into one of Those Guys (no reference to That Guy).


The will to do other things in the evenings is still there, but not the time or energy .. I can read or exercise because those things are relaxing to me and don't require a great deal of effort. You probably know what I'm getting at. This is my excuse for why I haven't done several of the things I promised to do.


The thing is, I'm not willing to forgo either exercise or relaxing with a book and some coffee for a few minutes/hours after work .. those things usually take up most of the evening, but even when they don't, something more immediate always, always comes up that keeps me from sitting down and trying to be creative for a few minutes. It's like a law of nature. Even in KY when I could ditch work at 4PM (oh dear God, I can't even remember what that was like), run and work out or whatever by 6PM, something would always take up the rest of the evening, mostly due to the need to not be sitting still at my desk for another minute. Maybe that's what it all comes down to .. spending however many hours a day sitting around on your ass being forced to concentrate for hours at a time, and not wanting to do the same thing with your evening. That could just be an excuse, too .. but somehow nothing seems worth it if you have no friends, can't relax or don't feel good physically ..


Weekends are out, too. I can still have an awesome weekend hanging out with random weirdos (whether they be fire-breathing goth girls or HardGay-impersonating bicycle racers) and not feel bad about that. Take that, guilt!


Unrelated: Gay Bishop Attack! New Hampshire rules. Weird how differently I would have reacted to this article a mere 2 years ago. If I go off on that tangent, though, I'll be here typing for another week ...